The Dark Side

Two pictures of me emerged in my doctor's office this week.

The first is, I am driven by a desire to build a co-operative, harmonious community. I pick up the slack often because my desire to build this community is strong and I am nurturing by nature. I am disillusioned because I am the only one running on this plan. No one else is. After a while, I am worn out and feel defeated. My efforts have not borne fruit. My co-operative society does not exist. I am so disappointed and disillusioned I have withdrawn from activities that previously gave me my raison d'etre.

The second is, I carry a very dark side that I have been suppressing all these years. I don't let it out because I fear I won't be able to control it. My dark side is ruthless, cruel and insatiable. Because I sense the existence of this dark side, I compensate for it by choosing to do good work and doing more than my share in everything. So I do what I do because I don't want to be a bad person. I am exhausted by suppressing my dark side.

Then there is the rational me that's been walking around. I assumed we have our good and bad sides. As intelligent beings with a conscience, we are aware that we are aware of ourselves. We make choices all the time about how we behave and accept responsibility for the consequences of our behaviour. I do what I do because I choose to behave constructively.

Do these all point to the same thing? Choice and balance? But I tell ya, there hasn't been much balance. I feel my unexpressed dark side is debilitating me right now. It needs to come out. I call on its power to restore the balance. Muhahahaha.