I Don't Need No Stinkin' Agenda

Once upon a time, I was a structured, regulated person living to a schedule. I was lost without my daytimer, my thoughts were more cogent when I expressed them in Powerpoint, I always caught the details that everyone missed, I wondered if I shouldn't have become an accountant.

Then I stopped working. I missed the deep involvement in projects with people, I missed feeling like I was in control of my work, I missed mattering in a work environment.

But I also felt released, relieved, and realigned. Every time I thought of going back to work, my stomach does a flip and I dread the thought of having regulated days and being confined to a structure. I stopped wearing a watch. I hate details. I feel freer and more playful. I have a better sense of humour. I admit to mistakes without feeling my pride wounded. I feel freer.

Now, when someone tries to tell me what to do, I run like I saw a ghost. Because that person is the ghost of my structured past.

I have dealings with at least two people who require their time scheduled. They need to micro-manage people to feel in control. I have no real patience for them. One of them paid me the highest compliment recently by telling me I am not a detailed person.

How far I have come. And to think I could have turned out like that person upon once a time. Whew.