Open Faucet

This is how I found out that my friend is incontinent. A few years ago, we went to a fundraiser dinner. It was a hot summer night so after dinner, I took my shoes off to do the two step with her. After a while, my friend said,

"I'm going to the washroom. I need to clean up."

"I'll come with you. Someone just spilled pop or water on the floor. I'm stepping all over it."

In the washroom, she used the cubicle and I rinsed my feet in the sink. She said,

"That wasn't pop on the floor."

"It was weird. I was dancing on a dry floor and the next thing I know, it's wet."

"That was me."

"I didn't even notice you holding water the whole time we were dancing."

"I wasn't. I've had a problem with bladder control for a few years now. I peed the floor."

"You mean I was dancing in your pee?"

This week, I have a cough and fever. When I cough, I wet myself. I was telling The Man this. He laughed and said,

"You're spoiling my fantasy of the idealized you."

I can't live on fantasy right now. I need to be grounded in reality to deal with my problem. So I talked to my incontinent friend. She said she now wears a pad full time. She's younger than me.

My mother is also incontinent but she's in denial. She can't hold it. When she has to go, she has to go. She says she won't drink water before she goes out, and wherever she goes, she'll be near a washroom, so no problem. Except a couple of weeks ago when she went out and on the way home she had to go, so it came whether she was ready or not, and she had to crouch in a neighbour's hedge to finish her stream, then went swish swish swish home to clean up.

I am only at the stage where I spill when I cough and sneeze. But I hate being old enough to acknowledge incontinence is not just the subject of Depends jokes any more. I wonder if there is a dignified perspective on this problem.