Gluttony Interrupted, Resumed

The Players:

Sis - my sister
Bro - my brother
Sil - my sister-in-law married to Bro
Bro Bro - my other brother (because there is twice as much of him)
Sil Sil - my sister-in-law marrried to Bro Bro

It was Sis' 40th birthday yesterday. We had a little family dinner at Roseneath for her. Bro's idea was to give her a large plate of Alaskan King Crab legs so she could eat to her heart's content. We would just sit there and watch.

So for dinner, Bro provided the crab legs, two bags full, something like five pounds of it. I served filet mignon (it's rude to sit there and watch someone eat, the rest of us had to do something), salad, broccoli and baked potatoes. Sil Sil brought a giant platter of sushi. Bro Bro joined us after work with Dufflet's toasted almond merignue cake. We had Fat Bastard wine because of something Bro said. The big bang of the night was Sil Sil's bouquet of 40 pink roses for Sis.

But there were many little bangs throughout the evening.

When Bro, the master crab leg preparer arrived, Sis started into the crab legs, in the kitchen, as I was finishing the filet mignons. Everyone crowded around and each got a piece. Very crowded. I don't know, something reminded me I had steaks under the broiler. I dropped my crab leg and turned the broiler off. One must never overcook filet mignon. Fortunately, they were charred just right. I flipped them over and put them back under the broiler.

But both smoke detectors in the house had come on. Deafening beeps. So mom closed the kitchen door and opened the front door to air the house. I chased the smoke out with a towel. Mom put her parka on. I resumed eating my crab leg in the kitchen.

The timing was pretty good for turning the steaks. I managed a few rare ones, a few medium. But each time I opened the oven door, the smoke detectors came on. More deafening beeping. More chasing smoke out with towel.

Sil wanted her steak well done. Hers stayed under the broiler longer. By this times, the kids had come running up from the basement and into the crowded kitchen. Very distracting. When I remembered the last steak in the oven, I threw down my crab leg again and opened the oven door. The steak was on fire inside the oven! Out, out, out, I made everyone get out of the kitchen and saved the steak.

The smoke detectors screamed again, but for the last time. Sil and I removed them from the ceiling. Very smart.

We were supping merrily along when Bro Bro decided to tell us about his day. He had been to a viewing earlier, in a funeral home. He started comparing the makeup work done on that body to the work done on Dad. We are a clan of highly imaginative and suggestible people. Bro in particular has this thing about death. In mid bite, Bro lost his appetite. I thought Bro would kill Bro Bro.

But we're also a clan of forgiving, forgetful food people. A few minutes later, we were all back at the table, happily eating again.

The crab legs were great as always. But the filet mignons were fabulous. Even the younger kids, who had supped early, had some. The sushi platter was an unexpected addition; it got eaten all up. After serving the toasted almond meringue birthday cake to everyone, there was still a large wedge left over. But you know, sitting there around the table, chatting and drinking our diet teas, Bro Bro and I finished it off.

Sis said she's glad to be 40. She said she felt womanly and substantial, as she waddled out the door. I'm sure she meant she felt like a woman of substance. Whatever. We were all more subtantial last night than we were the night before.

This morning, I'm listening to Eartha Kitt sing C'est Si Bon. Her voice is raspy and sultry, light and playful. Not like the way I feel at all. Maybe I can find a song called, C'est Trop Bon, Gloutons. And I can't find the smoke detectors to put back on the ceiling.