The Bane of Social Niceties

There are friends whose company I enjoy very much. Sometimes, we don't say or do much together, but I know when we are together, there is an equal exchange of some kind. We share common interests and the ability to pursue these interests. We only get together once in a while but I wish I could see them more often. I am genuinely interested in their welfare.

Then there are people I don't want to spend any time with at all. But when I see these people, I am super friendly to them, as if I am compensating for the fact I don't like them. We even joke and banter, to the point I create the illusion I enjoy their company, so they invite me to their house or to do things together. I cringe at these invitations. I make excuses to not go, but at some point, you say yes if you don't want to continuously offend or be seen as the snob you really are.

So this afternoon, I accepted one of those "I-don't-want-to-go" invitations. The woman is open and warm, upright and decent. We got friendly when our sons were better friends. But I've always known we have nothing in common, not intellectually, not in terms of interests and ability, not in terms of worldview and political outlook.

My take on our acquaintance is this: She seeks me out when she needs something from me. Because of what I can do for her, and that I am mostly inoffensive, she wants to befriend me. I find her trite and helpless, not very smart, but oh so smug. And if I were her son, I would find life oppressive.

As she prattled on during our visit, I found myself thinking - I am so bored, I don't care about what she's saying, I have no interest in her life, oh god can she just get a life - just to keep my mind from going numb. So I forced myself to be civil by saying out loud, Mhmm, Oh really? Is that right? Then what happened? Once I heard myself say, Yes, that's wonderful! to an unknown topic.

Why do I do this? Is it really so important to not offend? Am I being done in by my own social nicety? Maybe I do this because I suspect that deep down, I am really a snobby, cold bitch, but to disprove that, I feign interest in petty dullards. Maybe I just want to keep an eye on what lower life forms are like, lest I unwittingly become one. God, too late. I've become one of them. How petty and self-absorbed is this line of thinking. Virginia, where are you? Take me to a different consciousness.