Mommy Dearest

I am a lucky woman. I have a caring husband, a terrific son. I have wonderful siblings, nieces and nephews. I have great friends. And despite a tempetuous past with my parents, I was able to take care of my father somewhat before he passed away, and this week, I had the opportunity to appreciate my mother in a whole new way.

I often think of my mother as needy, that she needs looking after and that her purpose in life is to inflict guilt on her children and harrass them about how they live. But this week, with it being March break and me working, I am grateful she stayed with us. Although The Boy is 15 and capable of looking after himself, I feel more comfortable knowing there is an adult at home for him during the day whether he stays home or not. Because she was in the house, in fact, many of his friends came over. It's as though instinctively, these kids preferred to be in a house where there is an adult.

Now, it's not a perfect arrangement. For example, I was awakened one morning when she used the bathroom. I went back to sleep. The next thing I know, I woke up to find her lying on The Man's side of the bed. I said, "What? What are you doing here?" She said, "What? I am awake so I am just resting here a bit."

Another morning, she showered first. After I showered, I grabbed my towel to find it already wet. She had used my towel, putting away the one I left out for her because she saw no sense in wetting two towels.

One afternoon, she phoned me at the shop to say, It's 1:00 pm, The Boy and his friend haven't budged at all. What if they are dead? What should I do?

And she overfed The Boy everyday. He still says he won't need to eat for a few more days.

Other than that, there have been many benefits to having her here. Aside from peace of mind for me, she planned dinner just in time for my getting home. What a treat! And she stocked my fridge with groceries, and did the laundry and dishes everyday. I felt so comforted leaving the house and coming home knowing mom was home.

I know that mom is sometimes lonely. She wants to know she still plays a significant role in her children's lives, but we are so busy that we often don't include her in our plans. I am glad to have had the occasion for her to meet a real need in my life.

I felt so happy with her here that I asked her to live with us a few days each week. She smiled and said no, to both our relief. But I think she's glad I asked.