Emptiness

The tree is gone. The plants I put in the hill this spring have been decimated. It looks a mess out there. We're bare backed.

How I hated that tree - the fact that it loomed large and threatening, that I always feared it falling on us whenever the wind blew, that it kept the whole yard from sun, that we had to landscape the backyard around it, that in the end it was such a hazard I had to pay to cut it down. Now that it's gone, I feel an emptiness in my heart, in my yard, and in my wallet.

The Man and I are grieving its loss and the attendant decimation of our yard. We feel bad that the tree cutters have damaged a mature dogwood in my neighbour's yard and humbled by our neighbour's gracious dismissal of the damage despite our offer to replace it.

I am perturbed and angry that Suspicious Opportunist's wife stood there and demanded we cut the tree clear off her yard. She says it's our tree therefore we need to cut it. But the law is on our side. Whatever growth extends to her side she has to deal with. If she wants to cut it, she can apply to the city for a permit and pay tree cutters to maintain her property. I have already paid the tree cutters extra to trim the tree back from her side and lift the branches off the phone wires, but I will not pay $1,000 extra to remove the whole limb just so leaves don't fall on her yard at all. Go live in an apartment.

This morning, I see clearly my neighour's house to the back, the hydro poles, and the phone lines. I feel exposed. I miss the shelter the tree provided. I never knew the hill where the tree stood received morning sun. If the shady plants I put in this spring grow back, they will die because of the new sun exposure.

I've now had a whole day to get used to the tree's absence. Every time I look out back, I see an abandoned warfield, without spoils of the war to bring home. Our yard gets more sun, but it's still shaded much of the day because of other trees around it. Things have dried up a bit from yesterday's all day downpour. I am going to leave this yard for a few weeks to see what grows back.