Ghost Of Yesterday

This weekend, I went to an awards banquet. I was invited because the organizers wanted to recruit me as a volunteer on their board.

The award recognizes the achievement of youth in four categories: academics, athletics, community services, and the arts. Each category is sponsored by an organization.

My friend and I arrived at the restaurant and were shown to our table. Who should be the first person I notice in the room but Cheerleader. I never actually knew Cheerleader. She was at least two grades ahead of me in school. But as a girl and teenager, I ran into her everywhere, in and out of school. She was one of those privileged kids who excelled at many things. She played music, won academic awards, was captain of the cheerleading team and star gymnast in high school. In fact, she graduated as the prom queen. The last I heard, she was training to represent Canada in the Olympics.

Not that she's ever said anything unkind to me, but she was one of those people who always made me feel inadequate, inferior and insecure. She was the princess inside the castle while I was the waif out in the rain with over-sized sandals and a coat too thin, too long and too tattered. When high school ended, I thought I had got rid of her and the cruel reminder that I could never measure up.

Seeing her from across the room this weekend was a surprise. Wouldn't you know her family is a sponsor of one of the awards, and she's related to the woman the awards are named after. What was more shocking was the chill of old feelings resurfacing. No, flooding, old feelings came flooding back. Out of nowhere, I suddenly felt like kitchen scrap staring at the wedding cake.

Oh she's older, but still vibrant. She's still slim. I've gained weight. She won two raffle prizes. I didn't win any. Her husband is one of the producers of CSI. Mine is, well mine is a fine man who does development and advocacy work, and I really like him and we have fun together.

But I was unprepared to be hit so hard with 30-year-old feelings upon entering a room. My first impulse was, I need to leave. Despite that, the good news is that I responded instead with the maturity of life. I let the feelings pass, then settled down to enjoy our dinner and applaud the young people who won awards.

And after dinner, my friend and I each lugged home a case of beer - twelve 710 ml cans! - under our arms, well, because they were selling them cheap and my friend was willing to lend me money.