The Cruel Joke

For Chinese New Year, I warned my neighbour of clacking noises coming from my house and arranged for Bro, mom, and Aunt to be at my house early for a day of mah jongg. The rest of the family would come for dinner, with Bro Bro bring most of the food.

Mom and Aunt arrived shortly after 9:30, carrying buns, cakes and fruit. Bro, who was bringing the maj jongg table and tiles, hadn't showed yet. Eventually, I got him on the cell. He's was 10 minutes away. But, he said, Tell mom I can't make it and watch her freak out.

I said, You tell her, and handed the phone to mom.

Bro and mom had their conversation. Mom's face fell. She said a few times, "Why didn't you tell us before? Now what're we going to do?"

When she hung up, she complained that Bro wouldn't make it till 2:30, that he's got a leaky basement he's got to tend to. Mom forgot about her coffee and went into salvage mode, trying to locate another mah jongg table and a set of tiles. Well, Aunt has table and tiles, but darned if she knew where they were. She thought the last time she saw them was when she brought them to Sis' for a day of mah jongg. But that was more than a year ago, before Sis moved.

I said, if Sis has them, they'd be in her shed amongst all the furniture she couldn't fit into her house. And besides, the gate to the shed is blocked by deep snow. You can't even access the shed right now.

But in desperation, mom tracked down Sis to see if just maybe she brought the table and tiles into the house. Sis said she has no recollection of seeing the table and tiles when she moved.

In the middle of their conversation, Bro arrived and brought in the table. Mom realized she'd been punked. She started laughing and ran to the washroom (her incontinence, you know). When she came out, she was still laughing. She came down the stairs and stood a few steps from the bottom. Talking to Bro, she said, "How can you lie with such earnestness in your voice?" She told him he will "die in an epileptic fit" (really, that's a term of endearment, said when mom is mock angry at someone).

Then we don't know what happened. She suddenly slid down the stairs. I caught her, but she was sitting on her ankle. She rested her foot and rubbed alcohol into it. She waited a long time before she could walk again. By the end of the day, her ankle had swelled up.

When Sis arrived, she said RICE - rest, ice, compression, elevation. Of course. I remember that from my first aid class. But I had forgotten. I think mainly because mom was still keen to get started with mah jongg and said a few times, "That was very funny. I paid for it with a fall, but it was worth it."

I think only Bro can make mom pee from laughing.