The Couple That Cooks Together

Some years ago, when my friend was having trouble in his marriage, he confided that one of the things he had fantasized doing with his wife was cook with her as they prepare for a dinner party. They'd be drinking wine as they cook, there'd be music in the background, friends would be gathered around the kitchen island. That never materialized. They had different friends, his wife didn't like to cook, their apartment wasn't big enough. The few times they tried to cook together, they got into huge fights as one tried to tell the other what to do.

I think one of the reasons The Man and I are still together is because we've worked out a way to work in the kitchen together. It's true that you can't have two chefs in the kitchen. So we've learned to recognize when to yield to the other and how to share space and utensils. Often, one of us is sous chef. That is, one cooks whiles the other chops or cleans up so the kitchen counter and sink are not so messy to work with.

When I delegate a dish to The Man to prepare, he gets to do whatever he wants with it and incorporates whatever twists he feels in the mood for. Sometimes we work on different dishes at the same time so we don't have to time our steps to each other.

Tonight, we prepared a great dinner for my mother's birthday. It was fun cooking together. I hadn't noticed how often The Man and I actually cook together. Which is what made me think about what my friend said about his marriage. I wonder if they've worked out a way to cook together and stay together. When it's easy going, I overlook the flaws of the meal, the marriage, and ourselves. I hope they're more relaxed so they can overlook their flaws too.