After months of planning and waiting, I finally made it to an all day meditation retreat. These all day sessions take place about every two months. The timing for this month's was right so I went to it.
I gotta to be honest. There is something disquieting about these silent retreats. I am not comfortable being with a group of 40 where we all sit in silence and not make eye contact. When we do walking meditations, we walk in a straight line, back and forth, very slowly, like we are zombies.
But do I feel better for doing the meditations? I think I do, though I can't be sure. I know that my mind races so I am not exactly meditating. I know I fall asleep a few times during each session. When a session is over, I don't feel any more at peace or at one with myself. I feel rested, like I had a good nap.
Most of the time, I am not in my body. It's a practised art, keeping your attention in your body so you can live in the moment. Your body is soft but alert, your eyes are closed but you are awake. My mind wanders and I can't get used to meditating on my own, but I have to be mindful not to laugh when I am with the group.
Most of the participants today talked about their pain, real physical pain that is debilitating. I guess I am uncomfortable with the self-absorption of the meditation, and that you intentionally put time aside to do nothing. I can't get rid of the habit of measuring time and our usefulness by our productivity.
Still, I try to practise on my own and attend the day long sessions because the centre I go to is funded by the hospital. The clinic and its associates at Harvard and M.I.T. are providing scientific research that prove the ancient techniques of Buddhist meditation and metta, the art of wishing others well, really do improve health, well-being, and healing. I feel there is something for me both in the meditation and philosophy of the Buddha, even if I don't quite get it. Maybe I'll get better with practice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment