Being On Drugs

I told some friends recently that I was on Prozac. Two of them have since inquired about how I am doing, because they now know I take an antidepressant. The reason they are concerned, they say, is I don't seem the type that needs to be medicated. I always seem so light-hearted and so put together.

I am not sure what to say. I never thought I was the type to be on antidepressant either. But then I never thought I'd be overweight, or not working, or have a spud I adore, or have a husband I continuously feel smitten with, or that my father would die, or accept my crappy childhood as another rite of passage.

Since I've been on Prozac, I've been reading a bit more about what antidepressants do. Apparently, a lot more than treat depression. For one thing, it treats neuropathic pain. I am not debilitated by my shoulder pain, neck pain and headaches any more. There were days I would writhe in pain and not be able to move or think. Not having to suffer this any more is worth being on Prozac for. I still get the pains, but not as often, not often at all. And when I do get them, I can almost pinpoint a cause.

I still feel sad, anxious, angry or lost about the things I used to feel sad, anxious, angry or lost about. But I am getting closer to these things, to accept them, experience them and process them instead of putting them at bay and emoting in the fog. I have not had bouts of inexplicable tears where I feel so sad I just lie there and cry. After which I would ask, What was that about? I haven't done that once since I started Prozac.

In fact, many days, I feel energetic and optimistic.

I met one of my brothers' batminton partners a couple of weeks ago. She phoned today and we're having lunch this week. I never thought I'd be so easy-going and sociable either.

I don't think Prozac makes me more outgoing. I think it lets me be more me. At the least, it helps me cope with whatever hurdle I need to get over in this segment of life.