Bittersweet

I was quite choked up when I lost Legolas, my pet betta, on Christmas night.

But here's my friend's story to put life in perspective. On Christmas morning, Friend came downstairs at 6:30 a.m. to find her beloved dog of 13 years dead on the kitchen floor. Bella hadn't been well for the past few weeks. On Christmas Eve, Bella crawled under the porch and Friend had a hard time coaxing her out. Now it dawns on Friend that Bella was looking for a place to die. The Emergency Animal Hospital said Bella died of old age.

Two days later, on December 27, Friend's school principal (Friend is a teacher) phoned to tell her a former student of hers had been shot and killed. That student was Jane Creba, the girl who was shot on Boxing Day in downtown Toronto. Friend was devastated. She said the death of her dog suddenly paled by comparison.

I too am reeling from Jane Creba's death. The Boy had wanted to go downtown on Boxing Day to shop at HMV and Future Shop. That would have put him in the same viccinity as the shooting, possibly around the same time. I had said no because we were expecting dinner guests.

I know every parent in Toronto, especially parents of 15-year-olds, must be saddened and hurt by Jane's death, and enraged by how she was taken. I can't imagine what could make up for her family's loss.

Most cultures have rituals that help buffer the bitter. The Chinese, for example, give each guest at a funeral a lucky pouch containing a coin and a piece of candy. They are symbolic items - the money to compensate guests for taking time out to attend the funeral, the sweetness of the candy to offset the bitterness of the occasion. Myrrh is a sweet smelling incense. It was given to Jesus at birth to offset the bitter life he was to have. I wonder what customs exist in Canada and in the Creba family that will buffer the bitterness of Jane's death for them.

The Creba family wants to have a private interment, and later, a public memorial. I am glad they will allow the city to mourn with them at a memorial. Perhaps the desire of the city's parents and Jane's peers to share their grief is a sweet thing.