Wandering Mind

I am absolutely loving the book Eat, Pray, Love. There is a part where the author is in India and she describes the internal dialogues that take place when she tries to meditate. I know well what she means. Only, my internal dialogues aren't as conversational. They are more flitting and vacuous.

For example, today, I tried to meditate. These were my thoughts during the attempt:

- Just pay attention to your breathing and block everything else out. In, out, in, out, breath naturally, don't control your breathing. Watch the natural rhythm of your breathing...

- I wonder if I should come up with a chant. That's what Liz Gilbert did in the book.

- Think about that later. Righ now, in, out, in, out....

- Maybe I should turn the fan on. I'd be more comfortable that way. It's kind of hot in this room.

- In, out, in, out...

- I could save time if I put on a facial mask. I could meditate and do a facial at the same time.

- Good idea. Bet having facial mud on would give my skin a tight sensation which would help me concentrate on me while I am meditating.

- Wonder if The Man sold any of his stuff at his brother's garage sale.

- Wonder if The Boy made money being a helper. Maybe I wouldn't have to give him so much next week if he's got money of his own to spend.

- I really should go down to No Frills. They've put their garden stuff on sale now. I need red impatiens to finish my art project on the fence. I should get them before they are sold out.

- What's with that? It's not even July and they put their garden stuff on sale.

- Whoa, whoa, I am wandering. Deep breath in, now out. In out in out...breath naturally....

- There's nothing natural about watching myself breath.

- Shut up and clear your mind.

- I need a drink of water.

- Maybe I need to pee instead.

- Which is it?

- Both. I need to do both.

- Geez, what kind of an old lady am I to need to do both at the same time. Maybe my body is screwed up.

- No no, my blood pressure was great this morning. 114/74.

- Is that too low? That's a morning reading. Bro said blood pressure readings are highest in the morning.

- Meditating, watching fish, gardening all help to lower my blood pressure.

- Only I'm not meditating right now, am I?

- No, I am wandering all over the place.

I confess I don't have deep profound thoughts while trying to meditate. In fact, I quite feel like an air-headed bimbo. They say the real you surface when you clear your mind. I wonder if the real me is the bimbo, or is the bimbo trying to get in the way of clearing my mind.

No enlightenment for me today.