Bah Humbug

I am a scrooge.

My microwave oven is over 20 years old. It's a Litton Moffet, the leader in microwave technology back in the days. Its door handle fell off about two years ago. I won't replace the appliance because it still works. Sure, a new microwave costs under $100 these days. But to me, that's like paying $100 for a door handle.

I finally went to get a new phone answering machine. There aren't many models of stand-alone answering machines out there. I'm told the answering machine now usually comes with the telephone, or people use Bell's answering service. The salesman suggested I get a new phone that comes with the answering feature. The unit is under $150. Bah. There is nothing wrong with my telephone. So I stomped into Canadian Tire's and found a stand-alone unit that costs $35. It has poor sound quality.

A service rep said to me last week, "I'll leave a message on your cell."

I said, "No, I'm too cheap and practical to pay for a messaging service on my cell. You either get me or don't. If you can't get me, then I'm not available to talk. Please leave a message on my home phone. "

She seemed surprised. I know she was eyeing me up and down to decide if I was a curmudgeony crone from the last century. I am.

I am frumpy these days. You would never know that I once considered myself chic and that in my twenties when I was skinny, several people tried to recruit me into modelling. Oh I've modelled in the last few years, but once as a diabetic woman and once as a mentally retarded person in need of community care, but that's another story.

In Port Hope this weekend, I watched a run-way fashion program with my mother-in-law. I realized, good heavens, I have not paid attention to what's fashionable and stylish for ages. Except I hate shopping and only do it if I have to. But I could re-acquired the habit. I am sure it's like smoking - you can take it up again if you really want. And maybe I should relent on that microwave oven.

So it's with these generous thoughts that I got a phone call from Mothers Against Drunk Driving. I said yes and gave them money. Immediately after, I received a knock on the door. It's Red Cross, putting a program in place that will help Canadians if the need arises. I said yes to them too. A little later, the phone rang again. It's the Library Foundation needing funds to build up their book collection. I was feeling stalked. And all I wanted to do today was suspend a pole from my basement ceiling. But that's another story too.

All these organizations are worthy causes. But I don't want them all to call me the same afternoon. Because it makes me feel paranoid. And now I suspect it's the same fundraising agency working for all three organizations and more, calling on me. Once they get me, they put me on the list for their next client and phone their reps in the field to say, There's a live one, go knock on her door.

Mustering up my scrooge roots, I said no to the Library Foundation. I put a No scowl on my face in case anyone knocked on the door again, and I didn't answer the phone for the rest of the day.