My identity right now is wrapped up in being The Boy's mother. My preconception of our relationship is that he shares my world view. I have always said that if he didn't, I would still support him no matter what. Sometimes, when I go to bed at night, just in case there is a god, I pray that he be protected. If he is away from me, just in case guardian angels exist, I ask them to stay with him.
So it's quite a revelation to find out The Boy holds drastically different views than I do, and that he is even belligerent about them. It makes me wonder where I've gone wrong. I am feeling crushed by the discovery of our differences.
Tonight, The Boy asked why I have to be so weird. Weird in what way? Weird in that we don't have cable, weird in that I won't eat at McDonald's, weird in that I don't work.
Mustering up my maternal courage, I tell him it's because I am principled. Then I tried to have a discussion with him. It turned into an argument.
He wants cable because all his friends have it. I countered with, it means he will spend even more time in front of the TV, and why does he need cable when he's the one who introduced his cabled friends to Lost, Desperate Housewives, among other shows. He has not missed anything despite the lack of cable.
He charges that McDonald's has a right to want to expand their business by building drive-throughs in residential areas, that it was perfectly legal to do so. And now that the community has fought back and won, the war is over. Why do I have to hold a grudge and not eat at McDonald's. I counter that McDonald's has contributed to obesity in North America, Europe and now China because of poor quality food, that they are a big offender of labour practices, exploiting immigrants and youth workers, that I need to be on guard in case they find loopholes to make money at the expense of community and individual health and welfare. He said McDonald's is a large corporation and would never break the law and what's wrong with making money? I said he could go to McDonald's, but not on my time or my dime.
He said, And how do you know McDonald's has poor labour practices, have you worked for them? Oh right, you don't work, do you... Honestly, I felt assaulted. I guess he doesn't remember when I worked. I tell him briefly the job of a homemaker, I hope without emotion, because I am sensitive to the fact that I am not employed.
Most surprising to me is that, right now, I don't want to support any of his activities. Yes, he is young and naive, my feelings are hurt, and I am angry. But I also feel like I have failed as a mother. I wonder if my love for him really is as unconditional as I've assumed. I can't help be disappointed in him and feel he is just another common, selfish, material-oriented, mainstream man in the making.
You do your best to give your child the best of privileges and ensure he grows up confident and happy, and this is the son I get?
Let tomorrow be a better day.
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2 comments:
Dearest Skunk,
Thank you for your encouraging thoughts. You have no idea how reassured I feeI knowing you are 19. The Boy is 15. You are right that I should not expect to see eye to eye with him all the time, and that he is going through teenage changes, part of which is to challenge and defy his parents.
Thank you for that reminder and for sharing your mother's wise words. She must be very proud of the man you've become.
I just came across a review of Chew On This, a new work by Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation. This book will be out in May and aims to inform kids about fast food. I will leave this book around the house and hope he will read it.
I am glad you took the time to connect. Wishing you success and happiness. Look forward to you developing your blog.
Well...The Boy has surprised me..sort of. I've known since he was a wee thing, and he's always been strong minded, a trait you, and The Man, have given him. the Boy has always been intelligent in thought, again he got that from you. And he's always one to tell and listen to a good joke, once again something form you. So why is he now questioning McD's or cable?
Perhaps one of the kids that came over the other day made some kind of comment about no cable or SAHMs.
I agree with Skunk, this is just one day (a phase) that has struck badly, stay tough and continue to teach him that values and principles are important.
Talk to you soon
S.A.H.S.I.L
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