Have You Eaten?

When the Chinese meet in the street, they greet each other with "Have you eaten?" If they run into each other in a restaurant, they ask the obvious, "Are you eating?" These are the equivalent of "How are you?"

I've always thought the food greeting was a peculiar Chinese slant on life - a direct inquiry into the fundamental sustainability of life rooted in an obsession with food in a culture of scarcity. After all, if you care enough to inquire after someone's well-being, you might as well get at the basics and establish that the first level of Maslovian needs has been satisfied - Have you been refuelled so you can live for another day? Akin to confirming, I see you are still alive.

And the restatement of the obvious? I thought that's because the Chinese are a practical people. They can only talk about what is immediately in front of them. Like toddlers learning to talk, they identify what they see, and maybe one day, it will lead to small talk.

Apparently, there's a bit more to it than that.

According to Dai Sijie, author and filmmaker of Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, and now of a second novel, Mr. Muo's Travelling Couch, it has to do with the phrasing of questions to maintain matrimonial stability and social harmony: never ask a question that might embarrass.

For example, if a husband is away for an extended time, the artful wife will, on his return home, throw herself at his feet and cry out in a long, drawn-out tone of a Chinese opera, "You have returned, your honour?"

...never ask where he has been or what he has been up to. It is sufficient to establish the fact of his return in interrogative form, thereby attesting not only to your solicitude regarding his welfare, but also to the miraculous good fortune that has brougth him back to you.

...The same principle applies, more broadly, to social intercourse. When addressing someone over breakfast, do not ask what he is having, which might be cause for embarrassment if, for instance, the dish ordered betrays frugality or, worse, a want of means. Ask instead, "Are you eating?" and by this subtlety all will be well.

Now I know why the Chinese say, Have you eaten? when they see each other. It is good form, a social grace. Good thing I have some time to practise the art of matrimonial stability. The Man will be home in a couple of months.