Be A Gentleman

The Man's brother and his wife are coming to stay for two weeks while we are in Europe. We will be overlapping our time in Toronto by three days, which gives us a chance to visit.

I have offered my king-size bed to them. I would sleep somewhere else in the house. When I explained the situation to The Boy, he said, "I am not moving out of my room to sleep in the basement."

When I explained the situation to The Exchange later, he immediately offered me his bed so he could sleep in the basement. I said, "That's because you are a gentleman. I would like The Boy to be a gentleman."

This week, The Boy, The Exchange, and The Boy's friend Ane, went out. They came back late. In the morning, I saw by the front door The Boy's shoes, The Exchange's shoes, and Ane's shoes.

But I didn't see Ane on the couch in the basement. Ane was not anywhere in the house that I could see. I did see signs of rifling for an extra blanket. The Boy's bedroom door was closed. He has a double bed. I could only assume he and Ane were sharing a bed. The only thing is, Ane is a girl.

Not only that. Ane is Butterfly Boy's ex-girlfriend. Butterfly Boy is The Boy's best friend. And the fact he's sharing a bed with a girl, whether there's any action in bed or not, doesn't sit well with me. I mean, his need for sexual privacy ought to be an incentive for him to move out into his own apartment one day. I give a lot as a parent, but I have boundaries. The Boy at 17 sharing his bed with a girl in my house is one of them. I need to nip this one in the bud.

After consulting with The Man in Kabul, I had a little chat with The Boy. He said, "Nothing happened. We slept head to toe in separate blankets. We're just friends."

I said, "That's not the point. I am uncomfortable with you sharing a bed with a girl, any girl, in my house."

"But it's my bed, my room. Ane and I have no problem sharing a bed."

"It's my house. I have house rules."

"You were okay and in fact insisted Hen and I share a bed when we were in Montreal."

"Hen is a boy."

"That's discrimination."

"The fact that I'm uncomfortable is reason enough for you not to do it. Besides, you need to be a gentleman. Next time, you should offer Ane or any girl, your bed and you sleep in the basement. It's ungentlemanly to force a girl to squeeze into your bed, even if you are just friends. It also puts me in an awkward situation. I don't think Ane's parents would approve her coming over here to share a bed with you no matter how innocent. It gets even messier if Butterfly Boy finds out and feels betrayed, even if they have broken up. By being a gentleman, you save a lot of grief for yourself and other people. Sometimes, that's the balance between personal needs and desires and the well-being of the community.

Be a gentleman. You can start by offering me your bed when your uncle and aunt come to stay. I am giving them my bed. I could sleep in the basement. But you would be demonstrating your gentlemanliness by offering your bed to your mother."

The next day, The Boy offered me his bed.