Really, maybe my next-door neighbour and I are too familiar with each other.
My 26-year-old neighbour is a good soul. When he was a boy, I tutored him in math. When he was a teenager, he helped out at the street festivals we organized. When his father passed away, we had him and his sister over for dinner a couple of times. When he graduated from high school, we hired him to paint our house. As a young man now, he's driven me to appointments when I am running late, he tells me about specials on sale at our local supermarket where he works, he tells me when I leave the headlights on in my car, he inquires after The Man.
But he's also a rough 'n gruff guy, not the smartest cookie in the jar. He and his friends used to party and make lots of noise. He throws his cigarette butts all over the shared drive. When lightning hit the tree in his backyard and the tree branch came crashing down into our fence, he flew into action to restore the cable on his TV. And last night... last night I didn't want to be that familiar with him.
It was midnight. I was sitting on the second step of my porch smoking. True, it was dark. But I wasn't hiding. I was right there out in the open. Neighbour stumbled out of his house and stood in the middle of the shared laneway. I heard gushing water. I turned to catch a glimpse of Neighbour in the middle of relieving himself. I had an urge to shout at him, but I put my hand up to my face to shield him from my view and sat still. I didn't want to embarrass him, nor did I want to interrupt him in mid-stream.
When he finished, he lit a cigarette and went down the street, turned around after a few steps, and went back into his house. I stayed still the whole time. He had not seen me at all. Now I am convinced he killed my bean plants a few years ago by peeing into the bean barrel out front. They were growing fine then suddenly died one day.
This morning, I went out and hosed the laneway. I think, on so many levels, I enjoy all my neighbours. And then 26-year-old neighbour does something like this. Should I talk to him, or just take the good with the bad? Because reallly, he's a good soul even if he is a blundering baboon.
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`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
`I don't much care where--' said Alice.`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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`In that direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a Hatter: and in that direction,' waving the other paw, `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on `And how do you know that you're mad?'
9 comments:
The next time I come for a visit, I'm walking along the path beside your front yard. Clearly, he didn't wash his hands before lighting up. And he works at your local grocery store, eh? I'm not shopping there anymore.
A couple of weeks ago, my morning tennis partner suddenly walked off the court and into a heavily treed area of the park. It was 7:15am and no one was around. Although I couldn't see him, I could hear what he was doing. Needless to say, I didn't shake his hand after the match.
It's truly amazing how many people still don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom. I'm talking not only of people in public facilities but also colleagues at the office. It's bad enough when people urinate and don't wash their hands but I've witness folks who've finished a dump, leave their stall and then promptly walk out of the bathroom. I just think...eeew!
Yeah, I get pretty freaked out and try to leave the restaurant immediately if I am in a restaurant washroom with restaurant staff and she doesn't wash her hands. They've got uniform or apron on so it's not like they can pass off as a customer.
Having said that, I've gone without washing my hands, especially wilderness camping. I mean, what's the point?
Forget about the washing of hands. I think the main point is that he was relieving himself outside, in public, when I assume He has a perfectly good washroom inside. Patheticaly vulgar!
I had this discussion recently when I saw a man relieving himself against a building downtown. I asked Fiance why men do that, and was told ALL men have done that at some point in their lives, that sometimes you just have to. I countered that MOST women have not done that, despite the need, because we can't. I think men do it just because they can. Then I surveyed a bunch of men - indeed I haven't met a man yet who can claim he's never done it. Sparky? FF?
I've never gone behind a building just because I can. Never had to urge to do so. I've always been fortunate enough to be close enough to a bathroom that I've never had to.
Though I did go against a pillar under the Gardiner Expressway at the start of a half-marathon once because I simply had to. So did a dozen other gentlemen runners.
See what I mean? Because you had to...and other gentlemen runners too. Of course you had to go, you wouldn't do it if you didn't, but I'm sure lots of female runners "had to", but didn't. You confirm the statistic in my survey. All men have done it, simply because they can.
Many men have done it simply because they can. Other men have not because they can not. Still others, although they can, will not. I can, but will not, and therefore can not.
- Willy Nilly
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