I dislike telemarketers. I dislike even more telemarketers who trick you into giving them your phone number by having you fill out something under false pretenses just so they can get your phone number.
But I often feel sorry for the caller because they have to make a living by phoning people who don't want to hear from them. I try not to be rude but I am often not successful. It's like they set me up to fail.
This is the phone call I received this morning.
- Hello. Is this Mr. or Mrs. Sylph? Hello? Hello?
- Yes.
- My name is ...unintelligible... I am the vice president of ...mumble mumble... Hello? Hello?
- Yes?
- I have here a hand-written coupon with your name on it. Do you live at ...mumble mumble..? Hello? Hello?
- Yes?
- Hello? Yes. Do you remember filling out a form on June 17, 2007 at a shopping mall or ...unintelligible..? Hello? Hello?
- No, I don't remember doing such a thing.
- Hello? Hello?
- Yes?
- No? I don't blame you. It was a long time ago. Hello?
- Yes?
- If you asked me if I remember doing something from June, I probably won't remember either. Hello?
- What are you calling about?
- Our company has been operating in the States for seven years. We are now expanding into Canada. Hello? Hello?
- Yes?
- We are now in Canada and we are located in Woodbridge. Hello?
- Yes?
- So I am calling to offer you a promotional gift. Your name was selected. Hello? Hello?
- Yes?
- All you have to do is...
- What does your company do?
- We offer vacation ...mumble mumble...
- Vacation? No no, I'm not interested in vacation scams.
- Hello? Hello?
- No thanks. Good bye.
If I am going to get scammed, I want it at least to be a good experience. I want to know what technique is being employed, I want admire the cleverness of the maneuver, I want to delight in the audacity and eloquence of the delivery. To satisfy this appetite, I always let telemarketers go on for longer than necessary.
But that was a pretty bad pitch on his part. I couldn't understand him. His cell phone didn't seem to work for him. I had to ask him what he was calling about and what his company did. He made me do a lot of work. All that so he could scam me? No thanks.
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`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
`I don't much care where--' said Alice.`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
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`In that direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a Hatter: and in that direction,' waving the other paw, `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on `And how do you know that you're mad?'
3 comments:
The most aggressive pitch I've had experienced is the one from a company called, The Policeman's Retirement Fund. They are probably not related to the police in any way but just incorporated the name for their (ab)use.
They start by asking if you support your local police. What are you going to say? They keep asking these affirmative-generating questions and finish with an ask for a donation. Extremely effective and extremely difficult for the respondee to say anything but "yes". My answer to them was that I never donate "over the phone". That's my policy, plain and simple. After further badgering, I simply said, "we either end this on a friendly note or I hang up on you. Your call". We ended on a friendly note.
In general, I've become more aggressive and rude with telemarketers. After 10 or 12-hour long days at work, my home is my escape and my domain for downtime. Don't fucking make me waste my time and cordless phone battery on bullshit and scams.
I sometimes turn it around on them and say that I run a print company and if they commit to spending money on print work with me, I'll commit to spending money on their organization. They say they can't do that. So my response is, "why should I do it?" I haven't closed a sale in this manner and neither have the telemarketers. It really is a waste of everyone's time and life.
The other line that works really well is, "this really isn't a good time, we're dealing with a death in the family". That ends the call right away. The sad part is, I used this at the time of Dad's passing and it was true. I haven't used it since. I'd feel too guilty for lying.
It really should be illegal. I see it as a form of harassment.
I get at least 3 or 4 calls per week at work from telemarketers. I listen just long enough to make sure that they are telemarketers and then I just interrupt their schpeel politely and say:"I'm afraid I'm just really not interested in what you have to offer. Better luck with the next call. Have a good day" Then I just hang up on them without waiting for a response. It's quick. I don't feel badly and I hope that they don't as well and that they just move on to the next call.
I try to sick Kid2 on them. I always get her to answer the phone in the evenings and when they call she asks them about what they had for dinner, whether they like their work, how she did some math today, how her brother isn't letting her watch TV. Then when she finally hands the phone to me, I get to say "I have to take care of my children. This is never a good time. Please don't call me in the evenings." It usually works.
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