December

We came tumbling into December. I can't believe Christmas is three weeks away. This is shaping up to be a very social season. I'm glad, because I think I am in some kind of doldrums that I can't get out of by myself.

The Man has started a gig with a client that requires him to be in the office for a few weeks. Why, that's like having a regular job. I'm home by myself all day, wondering why I'm not working. I can't focus on drawing, reading, writing, or meditation. I can't be distracted just because The Man is not home. Something else is going on with me but I don't know what it is.

My meditation guide tells me to be gentle and encouraging to myself when I meditate. If my mind wanders, as it often does, I should gently bring myself back, not get mad at myself. I don't think I'm getting mad at myself. I keep tasting salty tears in my mouth. Some emotion is overwhelming me but I don't know the cause of it. I'm told meditation does that to you - sometimes an emotion just takes over. I'm supposed to accept it and just let it pass.

The Boy, that ingrate, is forever asking for spending money. Every time we talk, we get into an argument about him not doing his homework. His report card came home last week. He received 90's in three courses, 80's in two, 70's in one, a pass in one, and a failure in one. He 's never failed a course before. But because of the 90's and 80's, his average is 76, which is the highest he's ever got on a report card. How do you whip a guy who performs like that?

But at least I made a great dinner tonight. Ham and cheese in chicken thigh, or chicken cordon bleu, and a great salad dressing that warrants repeating. Right. I'm going to get depressed and fat. Yes, thank god it's going to be a social month. I may still get fat, but not likely depressed.