Coming Of Age

I attended a bat mitzvah this weekend.

Most of the service was conducted in Hebrew. Despite my not understanding the service, I found it warming. I like rites of passage. They give structure to our existence and guide social conduct. I like that because my friend's daughter had turned twelve, the parents had gathered all their friends and family to witness their daughter embrace the duties of womanhood, that of observing the commandments in the Torah.

One group of Native people - can't remember Indian or Inuit - sends their adolescent boys into the wilderness to find their spiritual mentor in nature. This is usually an animal that symbolizes the young adult's character and strength.

Christians hold Confirmations. Like the Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, the Confirmation is the final step in bringing a young person into adulthood, the bestowing of Christian duties on a person.

Someone told me once of a custom where the father, on his son's 16th birthday, takes the son to a brothel, where a woman of experience initiates the son into manhood.

The Chinese make the transformation from childhood to adulthood through marriage. You become an adult only when you get married. As a married person, you no longer receive lai see (lucky money pouches). In fact, as an adult now, you have to give lai see to unmarried friends and children.

The Man's cousins once gave a large party for their 21-year-old son. It was a coming of age party, where friends and family gather to congratulate the young man for entering adulthood. No ceremony, just a party and good wishes.

All of this makes me think how to mark The Boy's coming of age and when to herald it in. There is a cost to the freedom and independence we enjoy in secular North America. We have pared down the communal rituals and ceremonies that mark significant events in life to birth, marriage and death. Nothing much in between. Kind of like, you are born, you live, you die.

I will have have to invent some more, especially for The Boy. I think it's not a bad idea to gather our community of family, friends and neighbours to embrace The Boy becoming a man, to have him reflect on how he wants to conduct his life. No, no, no, circumcision is not a good idea.