My Jerry Springer-like Life

I bet Shakespeare would have had a good time with Jerry Springer. Maybe the Greek gods would have gone to their party. I have to tie Jerry to literary classics, otherwise, current events would make me, well, just a Jerry creature. This is what could happen on his show:

Guest Spot #1

Guest 1: It's my life, I marry who I want.

Guest 2: He's all wrong for you.

Jerry: Guest 1 is saying you have no business interferring with who she marries. Why do you interfere?

Guest 2: 'Cause she don't know what's good for her. She's lost her mind. He's warped her. He's got all kinds of problems and she ain't paying no attention to them.

Guest 1: I'm the one who's marrying him, not you. Stay out.

Jerry: Guest 2 says she's looking out for you, that he's not suitable for you. Do you think that's true?

Guest 1: Fuck off, Jerry.


Guest Spot #2

Guest 1: What? You'd rather make your mother sick and see her die than to see your brother's family spend time with her?

Guest 2: She's my mother too. Why should his family spend time with her and not mine?

Guest 1: Because you're not here. You're just making a fuss because you're jealous that your mother might love your brother more than you.

Jerry: Is that true? Would you rather see your mother dead than to know she loves your brother more than you?

Guest 2: No. Because she don't love my brother more. She loves me more.


Guest Spot #3

Jerry: Let me get this straight. You want him to quit school because he's not doing well in it.

Guest 1: That's right. He's fooling around wasting time and failing anyway so why's he in school? He should get a job. The newspaper will hire him to deliver flyers for the rest of his life.

Jerry: How do you feel about being a newspaper delivery boy till you're 60?

Guest 2: If my friends are doing that too, then I guess that's okay.

Recent events never unfolded this way of course, it just felt like they did.