Sobering Up

The new year is a sobering time. One of my neighbours is clearly depressed. He shovels the snow and says hello to me. But I detect a distracted grimness in his greeting. Another is honing in on her chores. She shovels the snow too and says hello when we see each other. She seems tired. Her movements suggest if she didn't focus on her shovelling, she'd forget what she was doing outside. That's how I meet with my neighbours, shovelling the snow out there.

Most of my friends seem focused on work, or are nesting.

I don't feel sober. I feel...ill. Not because of gluttony (maybe just a little) or hives (sure, a little of that too), but because I am so disappointed in The Boy. He didn't get the grades he needed to get into downtown U of T. Despite being told if he showed up for class everyday and handed in all his assignments, he would do well, he didn't. Now he will be in school again next semester.

With his current grades, he can be accepted into other universities or colleges, but he's determined to get back into downtown U of T.

The second school semester hasn't started yet. He's already talking about loopholes. I'm thinking outside the box, he said. He figures that if he gets 90's in the new courses at the beginning of the term, he will be accepted at U of T. The stipulation for acceptance is he must complete high school. But since he's already completed high school, he can drop out of school after the first term grades are submitted, without completing the courses. That way, he can still spend the rest of the semester and the summer doing other things.

What things, I asked. Whatever, he said. I am all for thinking outside the box and the entrepreneurial spirit. But The Boy sometimes borders on snaky behaviour in my mind. I can't help but ask, Where did I go wrong as a parent?

I have to keep reminding myself, nothing, I did nothing wrong. There are parental expectations and there is what one has to learn for oneself in the process of maturation. Aren't the things I value most the things I fought hardest for?

But as a parent, I still feel it is my duty to issue advice and warn him about the potential pitfalls of his plan. I told him he would be cheating himself out of learning, creating a bad record, setting a pattern of looking for loopholes and shortcuts, forfeiting his chance at being an Ontario scholar, and disqualifying himself from scholarships to fund his university. What not maximize the benefits of this fifth year in school? Maybe I am sober after all.

He said what I say makes sense, but he still has too look for that loophole and know that it exists. Whether he goes through it will be another issue. I can't nor do I want to quash his outside the box thinking. And he may have to learn the hard way that he actually has to apply himself to get what he wants in the adult world. Life has been too easy for him. Maybe he will sober up if he fails at what he wants a few times. But how can I wish for failure for my son? I don't. But he's a young man now. His successes and failures and how he sobers up are his to determine.