Undisciplined

I blame myself for being so undisciplined. I have been writing a grant proposal for my Latin American friends. I had lots of time, but I dilly-dallied and fiddle-faddled. In retrospect, I was waiting for the adrenalin to hit so I could get going.

My delays mean I have not given my friends much time to review the application for their organization. The application is due tomorrow. It also meant I spilled my writing time into social time. We had planned some dinner parties this week. I felt squeezed, trying to cram in the writing and prepare for the dinner parties at the same time.

Despite that, I am quite impressed with my ability to capture the organization's activities. I have manipulated the copy to pull some heart strings. For example, one of the questions on the application asked:

How does your artistic programming engage and challenge your audience/program participants?

My answer:

Our messages and sentiments are universal. Regardless of an audience member's own culture of origin, anyone who has lived through oppression and fought for the rights to freedom and democracy will identify with our history and struggles. Because of their own experiences or because of a desire to tap into the richness of Canada's multicultural collective heritage, our audiences are sensitive to the issues explored in our art and programs, which include:

• the need to lament our loss, heal from our wounds, and put our woes into a perspective that allows us to rebuild in a new country without forgetting our past
• the internal struggle of personal identity and cultural identity while living in an adopted land
• the issues of balancing work, family, education, art creation and survival
• the search for hope, love, and inspiration

Our activities ensure that artists who want to express their issues find a voice, and those currently not engaged in creating art find their issues represented in the expressions of others.

Our history, our activities... as if I am part of the organization. I realized that in writing this application, I was writing as if I was running it. This was my fantasy organization. After, I had to go back into the file and delete all the detail that I made up. I don't want to be lying to the funders.

I am almost done with the application. Now to print it out and run hard copies over to my friends, by bike, because The Man has left town for the day. Woe is me for being so disorganized, easily distracted, and so undisciplined.