Homeless And Dangerous

My book club meeting was at 7 PM last night. The Man and The Boy were going to a movie. He said, "Let me drop you off at your meeting so I can take the car."

I said, "No, I don't have to be there till 7:00. It's only a five minute walk away. And you want to start your evening before that."

"But I feel bad I'm taking your car."

"That's okay. We'll leave separately."

Half an hour later, The Man said, "Let's go. I'll drop you off at your book club."

"No. It's only 6:00. I don't need to go yet."

I don't know what happened. But after some argy-bargy-ing, I got my coat, hat, and gloves on and was ready to get in the car. The Man said, "Okay, wait, give me a few minutes to get ready."

What the hell? I said, "Never mind, I'll just go. I have lots of time. Besides, I have to get some food on the way."

"But I feel bad," The Man said, "You sure? Blah blah blah..."

Oh shut up.

So I went out and bought some carrots from the supermarket and rice wrap rolls from a restaurant. Those were my contributions to the night's meal. It was only 6:30. Darn That Man. I really didn't need to leave the house at 6:00. So I phoned my friend to let her know I was coming over early.

I got to her street and decided to stop by another friend's for a cigarette first. She also lives on the same street and is in the book club. I got on her porch and settled down. Then I phoned her. I said, "Look, I'm outside on your porch smoking a cigarette."

"Huh?"

"Are you home?"

"Ur, yes?"

"So I'm on your porch right now. If you see someone sitting out there, that's me."

"Who is this?"

"Oh, it's Sylph."

"Sylph? Well I get worried when someone phones to tell me she's on my porch and asks if I am really home."

"I was trying to not worry you by phoning you to let you know I'm perching on your porch."

"Wait there. I'll come out for a cig with you."

She did that. After, we both went inside to admire the new paint job in her house and to bake cookies. That was her contribution to the book club dinner. Then we both showed up at the meeting late.