Here We Go Again

Really, I think I have walked into the sunset. But I didn't plan to. Yet I can't bring myself to blog. I live in relative peace and resignation, blindly getting into a groove that passes time, annoyed that I am merely passing time instead of honing in on something more constructive, because the constructive thing for me to do right now is to be in Sudan with The Man.

The Man was home for six weeks this time. I loved many minutes of it. Let's face it, living with The Man is stressful. We approach life with different rhythms. His fast one drives me crazy, makes me physically buckle. My even demeanor and big picture approach yanks at his chain. He feels like I put a brake on his life.

It's not that we are oil and vinegar and don't mix. It's more that we are like fire and water - there is a delicate balance that keeps us each strong. In the past, there's always been time for us to unwind and relax into this balance. But this round, we spent most of our time getting ready for his next gig in a hurried rush. We court danger in each other - too much of one could extinguish the other so tread carefully. Beats me how two people so different should want to be together.

So now that he's gone, I try to get back into my activities. I try to steer The Boy the right way. I give him what for when he pushes me too far. The Boy wanted me to lend him my car this weekend so he could go to a party in London. He doesn't drive. He meant I should lend his friend my car so they can drive there. They wanted to be there Friday night to put in maximum party time. A third friend has a car but she couldn't go until Saturday and they didn't want to wait.

No, I don't want to lend my car no matter how responsible Butterfly Boy is. Then he wanted me to drive them to London with their band equipment so they can play at the party. No, he will never live it down dragging his mother to a frat party. And besides, it's a great inconvenience to me. I wanted him to figure out a solution without involving my car. I offered to pay his share of a car rental. But being under 25, the boys could not rent a car.

He said they had exhausted all options. I was their last hope. If I didn't help them, their band wouldn't be able to play, and it wasn't like I had anything important to do with my time, besides, Dad would have driven them. Boy, boy, boy, you don't get your mother to help by insulting her.

I said, Your wanting to get to a party is not my problem so don't make it so. I don't want to lend you my car, I don't want to drive you to London. I was one of the possible solutions to your problem. Now that you have exhausted this possibility, move on to the next.

In the end, he did come up with a solution. He would take a bus to London Friday night so he could spend time with his friends. Saturday, Butterfly Boy and their friend would pick up the band equipment and drive to London in the friend's car.

I knew he would solve this. I shook his hand and gave him bus fare.