Polyandry

It's Valentine's Day. Which brings me to the subject of polyandry.

CNN ran a story a while ago about the practice of polyandry in Himachal Pradesh, a northern province of India. What is polyandry? It is the practice of a woman being legally married to two or more men at the same time.

All the men, usually brothers, marry the same woman. She bears children and no one cares who fathered them because the whole family is responsible for the children produced. It is a practice specific to poorer societies. It is simply cheaper for all the brothers to pitch in and keep one wife than for each to get his own. Like sharing a pair of shoes or coat.

I can only imagine the poor woman having to have sex whether she feels like it or not, and being pregnant all the time whether she wants to be or not. She is a sex slave, baby maker, and servant. Or does she feel more "protected" by her husbands? And do they engage in group sex?

Unlike men who have more than one wife. The larger the harem, the wealthier the man is deemed to be because he can afford to keep all those wives. No doubt the women compete for their husband's attention, like in the movie Raise The Red Lantern. In ancient China, being the favourite wife meant the husband spent more night with her, which increased her chance of becoming pregnant and birthing a son, which ensured her survival and protection.

How did it happen that women could be owned and the possession of them determines a man's status in society? How is it that women needed to service men to ensure her survival?

Thank god those days are mostly over. Or are they? Certainly not in Himachal Pradesh.

In the west, we imagine a woman who willingly takes on many lovers as a woman on top of her game, like Samantha in Sex and the City. Or she's desperate and goes with whoever will have her. What's behind those perceptions? Are we just projecting characteristics of the wealthy man onto the sexually adventurous woman or has time really changed so much that women with a stronger libido are simply freer to express it? Is the desperate woman simply looking for an owner?

What about men who have many lovers? We see them as virile playboys or jerks incapable of commitment. Is the playboy image a modern rendition of the sheik of a harem? If we see him as a jerk, is that because we really still value family above all even as we live in a sexually permissive society?

I am sure there is no single explanation for anything, especially when we have so many people and cultures coming together to express their personalities, histories, and values. I don't know. I lead a sheltered life.